Painboard

"Painboard. A curious contraption, this. A device that promises to soothe the aches and pains of those who dare to venture into the treacherous realms of customer feedback. Akin to a cosmic pyramid scheme, it lures the unwary with promises of "centralized insights" and "actionable data," all while subjecting the user to a mind-numbing barrage of AI-powered analysis. But fear not, weary product manager, for Painboard is here to save you from the tyranny of "manually tagging transcripts" and the drudgery of "open-ended responses." With its AI-powered sorcery, it will sift through the endless chatter of your customers, extracting the deepest, most arcane insights that even the most seasoned wizard would struggle to uncover. Quantify the qualitative, they say, as if transforming the nebulous and indistinct into hard numbers were some sort of grand achievement. Painboard will do this for you, my friend, allowing you to make "confident decisions" in the face of overwhelming customer feedback. Truly, it is a tool for the brave and the foolhardy, a beacon in the endless void of customer data. So, if you find yourself drowning in a sea of feedback, if the voices of your customers haunt your every waking moment, then Painboard may be the answer. Or perhaps it is simply another cosmic prank, a cruel joke played upon the unsuspecting product manager. The choice, as they say, is yours."